Tumblelog by Soup.io
Newer posts are loading.
You are at the newest post.
Click here to check if anything new just came in.

November 20 2013

getskinny

Afformations, Day 3

Why do i love mysef?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love mysef?
why do i love mysef?

why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myseld?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?

why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
\why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
why do i love myself?
Why do i love myself?


getskinny
3883 a334
Reposted fromskinny skinny

November 19 2013

getskinny

Afformations, Day 2

Why am i a winner?
Why am i a winner?
Why am i a winner?
Why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?

why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
ahy am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?

why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i awinner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?

why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?

why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
Why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?
why am i a winner?

getskinny
7883 40de
Reposted fromhyphaeoflove hyphaeoflove viaohshit ohshit
getskinny
0296 ad52
Reposted fromcalifornia-love california-love viaohshit ohshit

November 18 2013

getskinny

Afformations, Day One

Why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease wirh myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?

why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with muself?
why am i at ease with myseld?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?

why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with mysele?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?

why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with muself?
Why am i at ease with myself?
Why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?

why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
why am i at ease with myself?
Why am i at ease with myself?


getskinny
7816 609f 500
Reposted fromretaliate retaliate viadonoteat donoteat
getskinny

This is going to be very, very long.

Part 2.
Now that the vow's done, I'm gonna tell you more.
My gym average is 95%.
That's the highest it's ever been.
Did i tell you how much my performance has improved?
Well, it has. I dont tell my marks to absolutely anyone and brag about them even less, but since this is my journal, im going to brag all the way through. I want to congratulate myself, to feel proud of my achievements. 
One of the reasons why, Ive somehow fallen in love with exercise.
 I love running, i love pushing myself. It feels even better afterwards. 
I can't tell you how great it is when there's snow on the ground and it's below freezing, and i'm the only outside, running through the block.

My lungs make strange sounds and my head hurts so hard i think i've done damage, and my eyes sting because of the sharp wind on my face, which is numb.  My appetite has disappeared by now (I just realized this one).

And it feels so good, I'll gladly do it over and over again, all day (with breaks!) If i could. It's the feeling of absolute strength, that athletic feeling. And boy, the surge of confidence afterwards. 

I know that i'm doing something no one staring through the windows has the will to do. Doing something unmotivated people around would only watch.

So i know that a km is not much, but trust me i see great athletic endeavors in my future. I'll do great things.

Another thing i wanted to talk about is work. I've been trying to get a job lately, and have given in about 2 applications (I know, I know, hush). I'm going to write a great resume and send it to every applicable store. Soon. Soon.


Money is the issue. I don't feel good sitting inside all day, costing my parents. I know i'm a little young (eye roll, old people warnings) , but i want to pay them all my costs, so im not a deadweight they're hauling around. I'll just feel better about myself even if they say they don't feel that way.

Besides, My friends have such classy new clothes, and always look groomed. I still have all my old clothes, plus an outfit given as a present and one bought abroad.
And only one outfit that could pass as classy as my friends.
I just realized how unthankful i sounded.
Okay, Im extremely happy with what i have. Im glad I'm poor. Atleast i can handle rough and survive on little money, and make use of what i have. No rich person has that, so i should be very happy.
I'll pull my own weight soon, unlike dependant spoiled kids. I'll be stronger, and will truthfully be able to say i earned every single thing i own.

And after i've bought stuff for everyone, and paid off parent-rent, just imagine everything i could have.
My own room in the Garage?
Totally independant?
Good clothes?
Spa days?
Herbal supplements?
A pet to cuddle with?
Yoga?
Gymnastics?!
Hair dye?
Confidence?
Freaking Independance (deserved another mention)?
Backpacking trips?
Lifeguard training?

Ohh my. I need this. I so, so want this. I have to get all of this, i swear i do. I know its a long list, but even a few of these things...Ohh. One of these days. One of these days.

Another thing...
It's true i haven't felt too good about myself the past few weeks. You see, there's girls aorund me who have good money and good bodies, and great parents. And guys talk to them and flirt and tease them...And this hurts me more than a lot of things do.

I get stares, I do. But guys don't fool around with me too often. I feel overlooked.

And that's stupid, because i have a very pretty face and great skin, along with many people's version of the ideal body. It's just too bad my esteem is lacking.

I want it built up to the point it's unbreakable. Or to the point where i don't need anyone else's attention to feel good.

There's some suspected causes, I think. 
-I'd bingednearly every day, so felt bad
-All my friends were placed in different class from me, so i think we drifted. though the classes we do have together we're together like it's still last year. Like everything's still the same. And they love me, i can tell.
-I dont have a bestfriend. I wanted someone to spill my thoughts to and my eating problems, and other truths. But let me just say that as humans we want to be heard instead of listen. It's a law, that when you show someoen how great you are they like you, and when you show them how great they are, they absolutely love you. And i cna't change that, so when i talk my feelings are quickly washed away with their own concerns, and they just dont care.
-Cooped up at home.


But, people do love me though. I'm accepted. I'm admired. But it's just that i have this one friend who has enormous eyes and model like body, and doesnt care about attention form others. People love her. My so called best friends rush to her side instead of mine when she appears, and she drifts off with another popular girl, as though our crowd isnt that important.
She's the one who's started this issue for me. Though I do love her, she's a great friend. She does like me more than she likes most others.We're the nearest things to best friends you can get without actually being best friends. 
She's just so charismatic.
But you know the main reason for people following her around  her more than me?
She's self assured. Me currently? Not so much.
But ofcourse, the last few days have been a great improvement. I'll bet you 5 that tomorrow, people will be approaching me and chatting me up like one of my good days.
I've worked my way up from nearly rock bottom, and i swear you anything i can do it again. I will do it again...Hell, i AM doing it again.
This time for keeps.
Slowly this time, as ive discovered slowly the best way to do anything. Afformations, daily. Right here. First step.

Daily checklist:
1. One afformation, repeated 50 times. Every morning. Typed, then read aloud. 

2. Appropriate amounts of dairy, fibre, green tea & food every single day before 6.

3. Running outside, every single day. Or in blizzard conditions...( blizzards don't stop me. It's my paranoid Mom who does when a blizzard hits. ) Jump rope/weight training. 

4. Reading, reading!! Minimum computer time.

5.Good sleeping pattern, atleast 8 hours. (sleep at 9, wake at 4 currently, about 7. Going for wake up at 5, instead.)

6. Not daily, but regular, go out alone. Parks. Library. Recreation. Movies. Friends/company.



To-Do checklist:

1. Build awe inspiring resumee and hand out to a bunch of applicable places. 

2. Build a reward chart for every step closer i get to recovery, A personal present other than food every Tuesday (Used to be Monday, but i messed up and have to do today over again, so every Tuesday)

2. Watch the money pour in, along with dangerous amounts of self love.


getskinny

BED therapy

I'd binged like crazy and for days on end. Some dyas were good, most days were bad. Really bad. I was consuming 1500-2000 calries a dya, which is quite high considering my mainetenance '1400' recommendation for 100 pounds/5'3.

Finally, I made a decision. And i do well think this is the most important decision I have made in this weight loss journey so far. 
I've decided to rid myself of food obsession & suspected BED. It's 8 months till the Grad, and i want my perfect body on that day. My treatment consists of 4 months.

I decided to start fresh; and consume very high calories to rid my cravings/starvation mode.  And then gradually lessen them so my body slowly gets thinner, but permanently. 
So i start week 1 with 1900 calories, and 1800 the next week. And it keeps on getting lower, except more time is spent the lower the calories get; like when i reach 1500, i will spend 3 weeks on it.

I admit, it didnt go perfect. But it went pretty great. I had days when i absolutely had no appetite. I had days i was ravenous and ate most of the calories in 1 meal. ( <----What I'm trying to combat)

So It went great. Exept the fact that today i realized i'd ate something that contained 987 calories per cup. i was at my calorie limit; but the secodn i realized how much that one tiny little cup contained, I swear i freaked out.

I was absolutely ravenous. I had my first emotional binge in over a week:

3 small pita breads 360
2 tbsp tomato paste 30
2 tbsp veg currie     50
1 slice of brown bread 75
2 tbsp brown sugar 60
1/4 cup skim milk 30
= 604

Total: 2400

BUT....

Huge improvement from before 1400 calorie binges. Pat on the back. Good Job.  Move on.

I see myself finishing off tomorrow perfectly like i have been doing this whole week. 
I'd known i would feel guilty, and succeeded in warding that off, telling myself i'd be strong and do this for myself. And It's paid off.

I couldn't wait to reach the next step, to go 1800 calories. Because that would mean not much more weight gain left to endure. It's going to be all muscle, so no worries there. And slowly, Id reach worry free, painless skinny body.
But hey, I forgot to prmise myself. Im promising myself ehre because then knowing thta you're seeing this will make it harder, hopefully impossible, to break.
I vow to make an effort to feel good about myself, and forgive every mistake. Even if i mess up, even if i get mad. Even if i gain 30 pounds, or even a hundred.
I vow to forgive myself, because this'll do me good more than anything. If i get immense self acceptance, I doesn't matter to me what my body looks like. So rest assured, you'll get no more harm from me, that's for sure.






getskinny
Thought I'd let you know...

Dopamine: Lowfat dairy/Pumpkin seeds/Soy.
Serotonin: Fish/Complex carbs
Oxytocin (Happiness Hormone): Eggs/Pepper/Bananas in one meal. 

getskinny
getskinny
3696 239c 500
Reposted fromirresponsible irresponsible
getskinny
getskinny
9813 77a6 500
getskinny
8858 f598 500
Reposted fromtobecontinued tobecontinued viaskinny skinny
getskinny
Reposted fromtobecontinued tobecontinued viaskinny skinny
getskinny
2360 9db8
Reposted frompompompom pompompom viaskinny skinny
2615 a385
Reposted fromvesania vesania viaskinny skinny
getskinny
3338 83db 500
Reposted frommartynkowa martynkowa viaohshit ohshit
getskinny
6398 8bc8
Reposted fromkaha kaha viaskinny skinny
Older posts are this way If this message doesn't go away, click anywhere on the page to continue loading posts.
Could not load more posts
Maybe Soup is currently being updated? I'll try again automatically in a few seconds...
Just a second, loading more posts...
You've reached the end.

Don't be the product, buy the product!

Schweinderl